About Quaker Marriage and Meeting for Worship

To turn a wedding into worship is to recognize that marriage is bigger than we are; that it is not just a pleasant arrangement we have made for our own convenience but a vocation into which we have been drawn by nature and by God.-- Britain Yearly Meeting

Many of you may be unfamiliar with the Religious Society of Friends (also known as Quakers), the service known as Meeting for Worship and the role of the meeting in marriage. We want you to be completely comfortable when you arrive and ready to celebrate with us, so here’s a quick primer.

We were married under the care of the meeting of First Friends Church. We joyfully acknowledge the sustaining, enriching presence of other loving unions in our meeting and our need for the meeting’s strength to reinforce our commitment.

A clearness committee, appointed by the meeting, determines our clearness to go ahead as well as its own commitment to embrace us as a couple. The meeting’s oversight and care of our marriage does not end with the celebration but endures throughout our lives and we value its role in nurturing, supporting and celebrating our marriage. A loving community stands ready to take action as necessary to support the well-being of both of us as individuals and of our union.

Meeting for Worship at First Friends is a programmed meeting that includes music, scripture, an offering (purely voluntary) and a pastor’s message followed by Communion After the Manner of Friends.

On Sunday morning, January 30, we will enter the meeting room along with everyone else and be seated at the front of the room. There is no bridal procession, and in giving ourselves to each other, we eliminate the custom of the bride being given away.

Communion After the Manner of Friends is a period of open worship, in which we center down by letting the Spirit cleanse our minds and hearts from worries and cares and asking that we clear our minds of anything that would prevent us from hearing the Spirit. We seek to be quiet, surrendered and attentive to God.

A time of corporate silence can be awkward for those not accustomed to it. The value of silence is not as an end in itself but as a means of hearing the voice of the Spirit, speaking either directly to the individual heart or through the vocal witness of a sensitive fellow worshipper. We invite you to join us, and permit your heart to be led in whatever way the Spirit directs you.

During open worship, in an atmosphere of quiet and reverence, we will rise and affirm our vows. No third person pronounces our commitment as Quakers believe that God alone can create such a union and give it significance.

After the vows are said and we return to our seats, the marriage certificate will be read aloud and open worship continues.

You may be led to speak or stay silent during Communion After the Manner of Friends. It’s sometimes difficult to know when to speak and when to keep still. As we sit in worshipful silence, seek to be obedient to the Spirit and your own Inner Light. This cannot be determined ahead of time.

If you are moved to speak, please use a microphone (an usher will bring one to you) even if you think you don’t require it. Emotional butterflies are natural and welcome. Let your words be few and full!

Following Meeting for Worship, all present sign our marriage certificate.